Sunsets and Carcrashes
by guitar-rock-star
Summary: Edward's pov. Bella's gone. Her life cut short but an un-stopable power. With Bella's death bring's Edward's demise.
1. Stubborn

I heard a faint tapping at my bedroom door

I heard a faint tapping at my bedroom door. I ignored the irritating noise and continued to watch the trees dance in the breeze outside as I'd done for the past few days. The knocking intensified.

"Edward," The soft voice said behind the oak door, "I know you're in there." I sighed loudly.

"Edward, don't make me call Emmett to pull the door down." She said a little more sternly.

"Alice," I breathed. She opened the door and I slowly tilted my head towards her. She stood motionless in the doorway in a long black dress, her hair pinned back. "Edward, you're not ready." Her quiet voice broke, her bottom lip quivered.

"I'm not going anywhere." I muttered.

"Bella would have wanted you there."

My fingers clutched onto the armrest of the chair I was sitting in. I heard the chair protest in agony as my strong fingers dug into the wood, "Don't you ever say that, Alice, you here me?"

She flinched but kept her ground, "Edward…"

"No, Alice. Did you predict that one, too? Did you, Alice?" I snarled, feeling my body shake.

"Please get dressed, now." She ordered. Alice walked over to my cupboard and pulled out my suit. She lay it across my bed and walked over to me, "Please, be civilised. What if you don't show? What will everyone say?"

"I'm sure that I'm the last person anyone wants to see right now." I mumbled, pinching the bridge of my nose with my forefinger and thumb.

"Edward, don't make this any harder than it already is. We'll be waiting in the car." Alice patted my arm and turned away.

"I'll take the Volvo, don't wait for me."

"Ok, but if you're not there within half an hour I'm sending Jasper and Emmett to personally take you there." Alice forced a smile and closed the door behind me. I stood up and pulled across the curtains, hiding myself from the forest outside. I stumbled over to the bed and began to dress myself.

That's when I heard it. The sound that made me tremble with hope and excitement. The sound that could permanently wipe the memories from only days ago out of my mind for eternity.

_Her _laugh. The beautiful melodic sound sent my senses into shock. I dropped my shirt and took a deep breath in. Freesia. I could smell her too. She was here, somewhere. She had to be. I followed her scent and quite giggling out my bedroom door and down the hall. She carried me down the stairs and through the kitchen; soon I was standing half-naked in the doorway at the front of my house.

And there she was.

"BELLA?" I yelled. She smiled, now only a few yards away from me. She raised a hand and motioned for me to follow her. "Bella, Bella, Bella…" I repeated her name over and over; whether out a loud or in my mind, I couldn't tell. She was just ahead of me, but no matter how fast I ran, I couldn't keep up with her. She stopped moving and I halted to a stop.

"Edward." My angel spoke my name. I took a step forward and raised my hand. She did the same.

"Love," I began, reaching for her hand, but she was gone. She'd disappeared within a matter of moments. Her scent was gone completely now, she'd been nothing but an apparition of hope. I stumbled clumsily over the grass and trudged back inside, my still heart yearning for her presence once more.


	2. Goodbye, my dearest

We stood side by side silently in the muddy grass, heads bowed and knuckles clenched. I didn't dare look at the faces around me. I couldn't bear to see the pain and anger in everyone's eyes; the affliction caused by me. I heard the heavy, forced breathing of the humans behind me. Their sobs sliced the silence with an intensity I'd never known possible. To the left of me, Carlisle and Esme held each other's hands, Carlisle whispering to his wife as a single tear slid down her cheek. On my right, Emmett clutched onto Rosalie's hand. Her face showed no emotion, but I could tell she was breaking apart inside. Alice's head was pressed against Jasper's chest, his arm curled around her side.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Isabella Marie Swan, daughter of Renee and Charlie, dear friend of…" The priest began.

Bella's parents stood behind me, I couldn't bring myself to look at them. I'd spoken to Renee just after that fateful moment, but I couldn't face Charlie. He knew too much. I was almost positive that he knew my secret, too. He'd been there when it happened, he had to know. I moved around ever so slightly to get a quick glance behind me.

The dog stood behind everyone amongst the trees around us. I saw him flinch as our eyes briefly met, before he shifted his gaze to the earth under him. For once in my life, I actually felt sorry for him. I felt foolish for all the time's I'd told him Bella was mine and never would be his; because now she could never belong to either of us. Not in the same way as she once had. Jacob shifted his weight and put a hand on his father's shoulder, he looked as if he hadn't slept in days. Alice stood up and began to read out a speech. Her tiny form shook ever so slightly with fear and sadness, yet she continued. Alice was possibly the most brave out of everyone here. She confronted her grief in a way no one else could, not even Jasper could help anyone at this point in time.

"And now I'd like to welcome a person who was very important in Bella's life…" Alice spoke. Now it was my turn to say goodbye to my love. It took all the strength I had just to move my feet. I heard a murmur break out over the small crowd of people, but I pretended not to hear them. I made my way to a large piano at the side of the crowd. I sat down stiffly and closed my eyes.

"My dearest brother wrote this piece especially for Bella. I remember the first time he played it for her, it was one of those serene moments you'll never forget, no matter what." Alice continued her speech.

Once she was done, I glanced done quickly at the keys underneath my fingers before closing my eyes again. I let my fingers dance over the ivory keys one last time; I hummed the melody quietly under my breath. The cemetery was silent, not a whisper or murmur was swept up in the cold afternoon breeze. The only sound that could be heard was the gentle melody of Bella's lullaby, the lullaby that had so much more meaning now that my angel was gone.

My fingers slowed as her lullaby came to an end, and in doing so, her coffin was lowered into the cold earth.

"Goodbye my angel, I'll see you soon, I promise. I won't leave you alone, we'll be together soon enough, and I promise I'll be with you there for eternity." I whispered incoherently, bidding my love goodbye for the last time.


	3. Uncontrollable

I was the last one left at the funeral. The sky was turning a deep crimson red as twilight began to fall over the land. The wind shook the trees violently as the sun set on the horizon; I knew my family would begin to worry soon, but I had no anticipation of heading home just yet, or ever again, for that moment.

I took a step towards Bella's resting place and fell to the ground. I slipped one hand into the pocket of my coat and pulled out a single pearl white freesia. I placed it against her tombstone and closed my eyes, breathing in her beautiful scent one last time.

As I sat there, a strangled howl pierced the silence. My eyes darted from the forest around me to the tombstones to the sky, looking for an owner of the horrendous sound.

And that's when I saw him.

The dog sat on a small hill overlooking the cemetery. His head was raised to the rising moon, his large form quivering. He let out yet another shattering howl, followed by a whimper. I let out a low snarl to make my presence known. Jacob looked directly at me, before leaping up. He sprinted towards me with such a speed; he was but a blur in front of me. The dog crashed his body into mine; we fell with a thunderous crash that echoed through the trees. I snarled again, hauling the dog to his feet. He began to slowly circle me, his eyes never leaving mine. I darted from side to side, but I was so drained, both physically and mentally, that I fell to the ground with another thunderous crash.

I closed my eyes and waited for my fate.

"I'd prefer you kill me now so that I can be with her again." I said rather flatly.

The dog stood above me, this time in his human form, "I'm not giving you any such favour."

I hissed, "Don't, Jacob. Don't you dare try to push me."

"Look, leech, you're not the only one grieving her death, you hear me?" Jacob pinned me to the cold ground with a foot.

"Get your paw off of me." I ordered, pushing away his leg.

"I just want to make that clear, ok? You're not the only one who loved her."

"How could I forget?" I muttered.

"Maybe you're not seeing this the same way as I am. What I'm trying to say is, she loved me equally. You weren't the only one in her life. She loved me too, leech." Jacob began to shake uncontrollably.

"Did you think I forgot that, dog? Or did you feel like salting my wounds just that little bit more? The fact that she loved us both haunts my mind in every moment of every day, but she was happy. And just to remind you, she picked me, we were to be married."

"Don't you see that because she picked you, she picked death, too? She almost welcomed it. This wouldn't have ever happened if you'd stayed away from the humans, do you not feel any guilt, Edward?"

"With every second of my existence." I hissed as I sprung to my feet, causing Jacob to fall. Within a matter of seconds he was pinned against the closest tree, hanging with my knuckles clasped around his neck.

"Edward," He winced, trying to squirm his way out of my grasp.

"Don't tempt me. The only thing stopping me from killing you right now is knowing you'd be with her." I spat, tightening my grip.

"Edward," He breathed, "I have to tell you something."

"What? What could you possibly say that I'd want to hear?" I released the dog. He fell to the ground in a clump; heaving for air as he clutched his throat.

"I think you'll want to hear this." He choked.

"Go on…"

"Ever since you know, her _death_," he winced at the word, "I've been seeing her. She's been leading me into the forest. Well, her ghost has."

"What did you just say?" I began to shake.


	4. Lies

"I've been seeing her, Edward. She leads me into the forest," Jacob took in a deep breath, "and then I chase her, but she always vanishes right when I catch up to her."

I parted my lips to speak, but no words came to mind. I couldn't say anything logical or anything relevant, so I closed my mouth and let the dog continue.

"Now, I know I'm not crazy, leech, and I'm most certainly not dreaming, because you've been seeing her too." Jacob cringed with each word he spoke, as if fearing I'd attack him once again.

"How do you know that?" I forced each word out of my mouth and dug my feet into the ground, trying to calm myself down.

"Because I saw her with you this morning. I saw her lead you into the forest, and I saw you stumble after her." Jacob looked at his feet and shifted his weight awkwardly, avoiding all means of looking at me.

"You were _spying_ on me?" I seethed, curling my hands into fists.

"No, well, yes, but," he began to stumble.

"Spit it out, dog."

"Well, ever after the, you know, _accident_ , the pack has been making me follow after you. We have to, just to make sure that you're not endangering any other humans." Jacob flinched as he saw my raised fist.

"I. Didn't. Kill. Her." I said through gritted teeth, swinging my fist into the tree beside me. The small tree split directly in half without a sound. Jacob's eyes widened and he took a step back.

"I didn't say that." Jacob pouted.

"You did, just not in those exact words." I narrowed my eyes.

He raised his hands to me in defence, "Please, be reasonable."

"Me, reasonable? No one believes me, Jacob. Not even my own family. How can you tell me to be reasonable?"

"Edward, I…"

"No, Jacob. Listen to me. You could not possibly know what it feels like to have everyone in this stupid little town believe that you killed the only thing in the world you care about. The one person you love. The only reason you continued to exist in this world.

"And then she's taken away from your world. Your everything is gone. And if that torment and anger isn't enough to deal with, you also have to suffer everyone believing that you killed your own angel."

Jacob looked up at me with such disbelief and shock, "I want to believe you, Edward, I do. But there's just no proof, you were the only one there."

"I know." I muttered.

"But if you just came forward…" Jacob suggested.

"Then what? Then all of Forks would know my family's secret, and we'd have to flee. Either that or become test subjects in a lab somewhere, so do you see where I stand?"

"I'm trying to help you," Jacob began again, "you don't need to lie…"

"Well, I'm not interested," I interrupted, "now, if you don't mind, dog, I'm going to spend my last hours grieving _by myself_ ." I said rather flatly. I turned around and began to run, the colours of the forest blurring past.

"EDWARD!" Jacob yelled at the top of his lungs, but I'd already fled. I couldn't stand there with him anymore, I'd had enough. I couldn't relive what had happened, I never wanted to do that again. I drowned out all senses, the smell of the dog as he tried to follow me, the squelch of my boots against the forest floor, the sound of the wind lashing at the trees. Everything was but a swirl of confusion and hurt.

So, with agony in my heart and my angel in my mind, I formulated a plan. Get back to the Volvo, pack my things and buy a plane ticket.

I had one destination in mind – Volterra.


	5. Blur

I reached my Volvo within a matter of minutes

I reached my Volvo within a matter of minutes. The silver car was the only vehicle left besides Jacob's rabbit. The others would be at the funeral after-party. It was a tad satirical – a party after a funeral. No one expected me to show up, which gave me the perfect opportunity to flee. I turned the key in the ignition and backed out of the small car park, watching cautiously to see Jacob's figure appear at the edge of the forest.

I could think of one thing and one thing only as I sped down the windy road through the forest. Her. My love. She haunted my mind, taking over every part of my being. I couldn't think straight, for all I saw was her smile in my mind. Even with my eyes open, I could only see her.

My plan was to get home before anyone else, buy a plane ticket and leave for the airport without any hesitation. If all succeeded, I'd be in Volterra by tomorrow night, and with my angel the night after that. Or maybe I'd see her sooner, if I really tried.

The light had nearly vanished completely now, the earth turning a dark blue. It made the road harder to see, I could only focus on the land a few metres in front of my car. I pushed my angel to the back of my mind and focused on the dog. He was hiding something. I knew it. He'd acted too kindly towards me, an eternity of our being enemies could not be changed within a matter of days, could it? I could've easily read his mind, yet I'd stopped myself. I refused to succumb to the monster that had led to my love's demise; I refused to allow that part of me to survive. With her death, the death of the monster inside me had occurred.

I glanced through the rear-view mirror at my own complexion. My eyes were a deep scarlet, they'd be onyx by tomorrow. I couldn't remember the last time I'd hunted; I was losing both energy and self-control. But neither would be of any importance once I got to Volterra.

I looked back at the road and froze. Bella stood on the edge of the road, smiling at me. She wore a long white dress, her hair danced playfully in the wind. I slammed on the breaks as quickly as I could; the Volvo began to slide across the wet gravel, directly in the path of my angel.

"BELLA!" I yelled as the car screeched to a halt within metres of her. She smiled and began to walk into the forest. She paused, turning around. Bella beckoned me to follow her; I could smell her sweet scent drifting in the cool breeze. Just as I swung open my door, a great force pushed forward the Volvo, sending it spinning. I eyed the truck that had crushed the back of my car as I continued to spin. It had slowed to a stop, the driver paralysed with shock.

It was only within a matter of seconds, yet time seemed to drag by blurring into a mass of colour and surprise. I glanced back at my angel, but she'd already disappeared into the depths of the forest. I'd lost her once again. My life had love had vanished for the third time. I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep seeing her and losing her again, the pain was far too overbearing. And it was at that moment in time when my Volvo wrapped itself around the trunk of a large oak tree.


	6. Theory

I closed my eyes and could wish for only one thing.

Death.

Death, reveal yourself for one last time. This time I don't want a second chance at existence and I don't want anyone's pity. I want to stop the monster inside and the human on the outside. Death, carry me away to see my love again. Let us be reunited for eternity.

But I knew no such thing would happen. I was far too strong for death to find me so easily. I could see a faint light through my closed eyes, I could hear murmuring in the distance.

"Emmett, grab him,"

"Careful, now,"

"Carlisle, go on his other side,"

"He's ok, Esme,"

I lay perfectly still, not daring to open my eyes.

"Oh, come on now, Edward," I heard Alice's small voice, "We all know you're not sleeping, or worse…"

"Edward, come on," I heard Jasper's voice for the first time since they found me. I let out a low hiss as Emmett dragged me out of the totalled Volvo.

"Oh," I heard Esme sigh with relief. I opened an eye to see her bending over me, wiping my head with a cloth.

"I'm alright, really," I muttered, getting to my feet at once, "How did you get here so quick?"

"Alice saw you crash," Carlisle began, "and so we left as soon as possible, but unfortunately we were a little late,"

"And the driver of the truck?" I questioned.

"He's fine, just a little shaken," Emmett laughed; Rosalie hit him, giving him a wary look.

"I guess the real question here is how you managed to crash, Edward," Carlisle's tone became serious.

Alice glanced at me and bit her lip. She knew. She knew how I'd crash. She knew I'd seen Bella, she'd seen her in her own mind.

"I, um, well," I stumbled, trying to think of a logical explanation for the accident.

"I think perhaps I can answer that," Alice stepped forward. I glared at her.

_I won't tell them_, she thought, watching me.

"Go on," Carlisle said quietly, he too now watched me cautiously.

"It's silly, really. You see, Edward was on the phone to me, and he obviously wasn't paying any attention to the road, his speed slowed down and then the truck just sort of hit him,"

Carlisle raised an eyebrow, "Is that how it happened, Edward?" he asked.

"More or less," I mumbled, glancing at Alice.

_I know what happened, we'll discuss this later,_ Alice frowned.

I nodded once, before circling my Volvo to determine how wrecked it was. The left side of the car was fine, perfectly intact. I couldn't say the same for the rest of the vehicle, though. The entire back and right side were crushed, folded into nothing more than a metal heap.

"Poor car," Jasper muttered, standing beside me.

I shook my head, "It doesn't matter, it can be replaced," In any other situation, I'd have wanted a new car, but not now. I didn't need a car where I was going; I didn't need anything at all. Jasper patted me on the shoulder, forcing a smile, "You'll be all right, wont you?" he asked.

I nodded, looking at my feet. It was hard to blatantly lie to someone who meant so much to you, yet I knew I had to. I walked away from my car just as a tow truck came around the corner. It stopped, and soon people began to haul my car onto the back of the truck.

"We'll meet you at home," Carlisle said, gathering up the rest of my family.

"I'll stay with him, Carlisle," Alice smiled, placing a small hand on my elbow. She pulled me to the side as everyone drove off.

"Edward, could you please tell me what really happened," she pleaded.

"How do I know you wont tell the others?"

"You have to trust me, please. This is bigger than you, and you're not helping anyone by keeping secrets," she spoke so quietly and quickly, she was barely audible over the hum of the tow truck.

"I saw _her_ Alice, she was beckoning me to follow her," I sighed, searching Alice's topaz eyes.

Alice nodded, "I saw her, too. It was so strange, she just sort of well, vanished. Do you have any idea why she was there?"

I shook my head, "No. The dog saw her too, he told me so,"

Alice's eye's widened, "He did? Well this is news, we have to tell the other's about this,"

"You said you wouldn't," I snarled.

"No, but you will," her tone was harsh, "I have one more question to ask you,"

"Go on…"

"Where were you headed in such a hurry?"

"I think you should be able to see that, Alice,"

She closed her eyes and sat down quickly, pressing her fingers to her temples, "You're buying plane tickets," her eyes snapped open, "tell me you're not headed for Volterra, Edward?"

I glared.

"Edward!" she jumped up, grabbing my arms.

"Do you see me in Volterra?"

"No, I see you in the forest and then…" a look of terror spread across her pallid face.

"What?" I demanded.

"I can see Aro,"

"Here, in Forks? Continue," she nodded.

"It's gone all blurry, I can't see anything else," she groaned, "this means only one thing,"

"The wolves are involved," I spat.


	7. A new vision

I was completely and utterly torn. I wanted to go to Volterra. I wanted everything to just be over with. I wanted to be with my angel for one last time, yet a part of me wanted to stay, to find out what was happening in Forks. I wanted to know why I was in the forest with the wolves in Alice's vision.

It was too late to change my mind now, though. I was standing at the foot of my bed, eyeing my suitcase. I didn't need possessions where I was going, yet I'd packed a bag full of clothes just to keep a low profile. I did up the zip and lifted the bag off of the bed. The rest of my family sat downstairs in the lounge room, Jasper was on the phone to the insurance company, his voice raised as he tried to explain my accident to them.

I would have to sneak out the window and run the whole way to the airport if I wanted to get there without the others hearing me. I flicked the latch on the window and slid it open. I grabbed for my bag and swung it over my shoulder just as my door opened.

"Carlisle," I glared, my bag dropping to the floor.

"Edward," he whispered, his eyes shifting from me half out the window to the bag of clothes on the floor.

"Edward," he started again, "Alice told me, please come back inside."

I climbed back through the window and sat down on my bed, holding my head in my hands. Carlisle ran his fingers through his hair and sat down next to me.

"Alice said she wouldn't tell," I began.

"Well, you know Alice. She was just looking out for you. But never mind that, we have much more serious problems now," he sighed, closing his eyes, "Did you really think that by going to Volterra, you'd be doing yourself a favour? You're a selfish person, Edward, but this is beyond reason."

"Carlisle, what would you do if everyone thought that you had killed Esme?" I muttered.

Carlisle opened his eyes, "Edward, it was an accident. None of us knew her body would react to the poison like that, you can't blame yourself."

"I know, but nobody knows that I was trying to change her, do they Carlisle?" I murmured.

"No, nobody knows what really happened. Nobody knows that…" Carlisle was interrupted by my door swinging open for a second time.

Alice stood in my doorway, her eyes wide with fear.

"Alice?" Carlisle said softly, standing up.

"I had another vision," she paced back and forth around my room. Carlisle grabbed her by the shoulder and spun her around.

"Alice, what is it?" he said sternly.

Her voice wavered, "The Volturi are coming to Forks."


End file.
